Live with No Regret!

Looking back at all that I had been through, I had been through some major changes, mentally and emotionally. I matured during those last few years but this particular year was different: I realized that I had been doing things wrong. To see whatever I was working toward falling apart around me was difficult, and understanding that it wasn’t anyone’s fault except mine was tough to accept. How could I have ruined my own life? How could I have been so self-destructive? I let my past get in the way of my future. I used to adopt other’s opinions without thinking whether it was right or wrong.

It is good to know that “I used to” do these things. I was so used to getting things the hard way and when things went smoothly, I would panic and freak out because this was very unusual. I felt that I needed to work hard to get good things, so I couldn’t handle it when things came easily. I had a very complicated mind. Why couldn’t I just keep it simple?

After months of feeling bad and blaming myself, I am in a good place now. I had no regrets and I didn’t have hard feelings about what I couldn’t change. I realized that if I kept holding onto those negative feelings, it would destroy my future. Memories from the past might haunt me from time to time but I knew I could deal with them: if things went well then great, and if not, then at least I no longer blamed myself.

When you go through bad experiences, you feel that everything and everyone is against you. You are forced to remember even the silly things. Every day there is a trigger; you want to move on but like the universe doesn’t allow for it. Things should come to you easily and the good things should last and shouldn’t cause any pain. Now, as an older and wiser woman, I can control my crazy thoughts and I keep my crazy actions to a minimum.