You know, being grateful is so important for our mental health. It’s great to look on the bright side and appreciate what we have. But sometimes, there’s this thing called “toxic positivity” that can actually stop us from expressing our not-so-happy feelings in a healthy way. When we keep those feelings bottled up, they can turn into resentment and anger over time. And then, one little thing can just make us snap.
I was chatting with a colleague the other day, and he told me about a friend of his—a lady who owns this gorgeous villa on top of a hill. Sounds amazing, right? But there’s a catch: the road leading up to her villa is really rough. She was so frustrated about it that she was thinking of moving. My colleague couldn’t believe it. He thought, “With such a beautiful home and surroundings, how can she focus only on the rough road?” We both agreed she seemed a bit ungrateful and decided that people should try to see the “cup half full” instead of “half empty.”
But then, something happened to me. Every morning, I drive to work, and there’s been construction going on in our city for what feels like forever. We’ve kind of gotten used to it, but lately, the roads have gotten even worse. More bumps, more obstacles, more concrete blocks—it’s like a maze out there! I always bring a cup of karak (that’s tea with milk) with me in the mornings, and now it’s become a battle to keep it from spilling all over the car. It’s exhausting! And don’t tell me to give up my karak—I’m totally addicted, and I’m okay with that.
Anyway, as I was struggling with the drive, I kept telling myself to stay positive. I reminded myself how grateful I am for my health, my family, my car—all that good stuff. But then, I suddenly remembered that lady with the villa. And you know what? I totally get where she’s coming from now. I support her 100% if she wants to move because of that terrible road.
It’s not just about the road. It’s about that slow build-up of frustration and anger from putting up with something you really don’t like, especially when you don’t see why you should have to deal with it. Some people might think it’s silly to give up so much because of one small flaw. But maybe it’s just in our nature to seek change and focus on our well-being. Maybe it’s a kind of emotional luxury that allows us not to settle for situations that make us uncomfortable.
Their is a fine line between gratitude and the necessity of validating difficult emotions. Sometimes, we do try to “positivity affirm” our way through tough situations, feeling like it’s the only option if we want to stay “grateful.” But when small frustrations accumulate without any healthy outlet, they can build into an overwhelming resentment that demands to be heard—often surfacing in unexpected ways, just like your experience with the rough drive.
That story of the lady in the villa and your karak struggle paints such a vivid picture of how we sometimes internalize discomfort to the point where we may seem ungrateful or overly picky to others. Yet, it’s really about recognizing our own limits and honoring when something just isn’t serving us, even if it seems trivial on the surface. For her, the rough road symbolized a steady buildup of unspoken irritations; for me, it was the daily drive that turned a small, enjoyable ritual into a challenge.
It’s like a reminder that we’re allowed to acknowledge what bothers us and maybe even decide to change things if possible, without feeling guilty or “ungrateful.” It’s about seeking comfort and emotional space to thrive—letting go of the idea that we have to endlessly tolerate situations that don’t sit right with us.