“Knowing something doesn’t make you aware of it”, this is a conclusion that recently I came across after lots of experiences. As a writer and digital content creator, I read lots of books and watched a tremendous number of inspirational and educational videos but it is different when you interact directly with everything.
I will never forget that day in a book club that I recently joined, I thought I would be a great addition to that club as I read quite a large of books and thought that I am an open person to different concepts and ideas … I remember the book called: “The art of convincing”. I don’t know what I was expecting but the more the lady spoke about the book, the more I became anxious and frustrated because I felt it was more about manipulating others not convincing.
There was a moment when one of the ladies made a comment about some women wanting to have more freedom in our community and I found it the perfect moment to snap and pour all my frustration and anger on her … she was just in the wrong place and wrong time … it was a realization moment to me, I am not open-minded as I was claiming!! … I found out that I have a list of topics that am quite sensitive talking or listening people talk about it freely, for example, how to control others!
It is fascinating how shameful events normally reveal an ugly part of you to the public and to you as well. It seems like you never expected that you would behave in such a way … and even if you knew but you never confronted yourself or you never accepted this attitude coming from you … this shameful event will make you see yourself by yourself… this is very interesting!
That is why it is important to know yourself well … to know what triggers you and touch high values in you, like the situation that I had with the book club member, I became aware that freedom is a high value for me, and seeing someone try to undermine it or try to take it away from me triggered me to snap to protect something I consider my right and because I have been fought a lot about this value I become super sensitive to whatever been raised regard this matter.
it is not right to snap … but for now, it is a sensitive subject for me so the safest thing to do is to withdraw myself whenever something like this is discussed in public or I become aware of my frustration.
In the process of knowing myself, I used to get attracted to people who were the exact opposite of me, I liked the different perspectives on life, because I am adventurous by nature and curious about how other people live and do things … at the beginning things seem exciting and I can go with the flow of the other person because I want to experience something new but later I started to notice every one of us start to pull the other into his/her direction and we end up triggering each other nerve which will cause the relation to end badly … and this can be applied to any type of relationship … friendship, love or even colleague at work!
Now after years of trying new things … I decided to stop and pause to think and reflect on all that I have done in the past few years … It was an amazing ride … like a rollercoaster, with lots of ups and downs and the place I am in today, I realized that it took me years to reach to it … I am proud and happy to be here but there are lots of things I was super eager to have when I acquire it, it is not as attractive as it seems from outside as the quote said: “Grass looks greener from the other side!”
in conclusion … I know now that I can manage things and handle them beautifully but I become aware that I need first to panic and frustrate everyone around me and then do what needs to be done! although my friends and relatives always tell me “Don’t panic … it will not help!” … Well I know that and I become aware of it after I do some drama!
I know that being judgemental is very annoying and can hurt people’s feelings and make them hate you, but am I aware that I am judgemental? most of the time I won’t and it is hard to live life without having an opinion and judgment about something … for me, this is very hard and even impossible to do … if you have any ideas please write them down in the comments below.
I can suggest a book that helped me to be more free, understanding, and judgment-free or less judgmental to be honest.
Click in the book to redirect you to the purchase link if you want to buy it.
